Ok so this is my first "online journal entry" and i'm not quite so sure how i feel about my journal being on the www...it's a strange feeling...i usually write shit in my journals that are incredibly and deeply personal...so is that all to stop now? or do you people out there want all the juicy goss?? so I'm just not going to bother about it...
I think I'm not that particularly interesting anyway... I don't have a boyfriend...I work in a supermarket...I can't do anything that is in any way, remotely interesting in terms of career until i finish my course...and that is still a year away.
Last night i was (once again) crying in my room. It was one of those times that I've just felt very alone. I don't want to feel alone at all...but when you feel that you aren't worth being alive on this earth you begin to believe that you are, in fact worthless, hopeless, and alone...
I'm not suicidal though...I believe there is still a shitload of hope there in the future for me...but at the moment, i don't feel as if I am anything I can take note of, be proud of, or love. I feel a bit nothing...
SO this is due to a really shitty year...where my boyfriend dumped me for no apparent reason, never told me why, went out with one of my best friends less than a month later, and hasn't spoken to me since...then the next boyfriend i had was great for a time, but then, he dumped me too because he was still in love with his incredibly beautiful ex...i don't know if this is true, but this is how i see things...i don't feel very special

so if you don't want to read my journal i'll totally understand. i write this for me anyway...

Signing off tonight!
Ruthy